By Janine Gillip

 Every year it seems that the experts are compiling lists of marriage issues that seem to be the most common. Even though there are numerous top 10 lists, it seemed better to deal with the top four. Each should be completely clear once you've taken a moment to look at them. More importantly, you will likely agree that these issues deserve top billing on any list.


Yes, money makes the top spot on a top four list. More than any other issue, money seems to be the one people conflict about the most. Very often, money issues are more about control, and can manifest in the preference for separate bank account. It's a problem because one usually wants the separate account while the other doesn't. Strangely enough, financial experts have reported that you may actually argue less when you have access to your own supply of money. Where this breaks down, at times, is when you decide to make large purchases without consulting your spouse. Naturally, it is better to reach an agreement with your spouse for these big ticket purchases before you spend money. Lack of financial discussion may also factor in and make this a bigger marriage issue than it should be. This lack of regard for financial stability may even create debt troubles for the couple if they're not careful.

It isn't a surprise to most of you that sex is the second highest of the top four marriage issues. One of the most common reasons cited for this was a lack of sex. The available statistics list both men and women as ranking sex a high issue, with men representing the great number. It was made clear that both men and women are looking for more sexual intimacy more often. The other serious problem dealt more with the man's use of pornography in the marriage. By a large margin, men are frequenting gentlemen's clubs and pornographic websites against the wishes of their wives. Of course, the issue was exacerbated when unsuspecting women learned what their husbands were doing.

In third place on the list of marriage issues, was surprising one: in-laws. There are instances where either one or both spouses have disruptive families that harm the marriage. Bad behavior by in-laws has been known to completely destroy marriages. Both men and women share the guilt in this case. In most cases, it is about the family trying to stay too involved in the couple's affairs. This is just a matter of plain old nosiness. When this happens, the spouse with the nosy family should to tell their family to get out, but often this isn't what happens. The tension mounts and the fighting grows more frequent because one spouse will not stand up for the other.

It seems that adultery ranks in fourth place on that list of marriage issues. The figures on marital unfaithfulness are alarmingly large, meaning more people are being unfaithful to spouses. Of course, men rank first here as well. This doesn't mean that women are far behind. This issue is really linked to issue number 2. The reasons men cheat are tied to lack of sex. For women, however, it is more based on lack of emotional care. Either member may start looking for the missing piece beyond their marriage and then are eventually discovered.

Writing about marriage issues has provided great insights into my own marriage. By taking the time to look at the top issues that confront couples, I made a list of the top four biggest problem areas that should be addressed.

Marriage Counseling